Have you ever asked yourself these questions? I have; more times than I
can count. One of the major experiences in my life that inspired me to ask took
place a couple of months after I graduated from college in 2001. I was
unemployed in spite of determinedly applying for positions in my field of study
at first, and then in panic applying for whatever job I saw advertised in the
local newspaper and on-site. I felt like I’d taken a wrong step somewhere when
bills became delinquent, car was repossessed, and my lifestyle drastically changed.
“What did I do wrong? How can I fix this?” I cried out in frustration.
Because of my upbringing, I thought I’d done something wrong and I was
being punished for it. In my opinion, the punishment was harsher than the crime,
since I was unaware of what I’d done. A part of me was ready to throw in the
towel, wave a white flag, surrender, and call GAME! I felt like the biggest
Loser who didn’t know what was wrong or how to fix it. My desire to operate at
peak performance grew utterly pissed off with me. I was proving to be useless in
the problem solving department of my life.
It took some time for me to grasp the fact that I had done nothing wrong
to cause the predicament I saw myself to be in. Perception of myself relative to
life and what was expected of me held me in experience that I disliked. Stepping
back away from the situation helped. I was able to release the judgments I held
about the experience of unemployment and the loss of material possessions, and
the outer presentation they created. I accepted the body weight and hair I lost
in response to stress over the way my life looked and felt.
In 2002, not only was I unemployed but many people were and
believed they were unable to possess much of the things they needed and desired.
As time has rolled us into 2013 many more people have experienced abrupt life
changes and financial limitations. Some of them point the blame finger at
themselves, while others support belief in an economic recession that has
stimulated a collapse in financial stability. No matter the underlying cause,
unemployment is viewed by almost all individuals in Western culture as something
to be avoided and quickly changed when presented. “Something’s wrong with me,”
started chanting in my mind when I realized I was unemployed and hadn’t been
able to change it, quickly.
I am thankful I realized right and wrong as opinions that either I use, or other people use, to
label experiences. I understood. I finally got it. The only thing I was able to
control was the way I felt while in the present of an experience. Feeling like I
done something wrong added to the poor thoughts and emotions I already had about
the way events had unfolded after graduation. I couldn’t control whether a
potential employer hired me, or the economy and the role it played in the satire
of my life.
People are people and they are going to think and feel whatever
they will. There was absolutely NOTHING, no-thing, I could do to control that.
Some of the people I knew who was acquainted with me when I was carefree and in
full enjoyment of college life would wonder where I went wrong (because that’s
how many humans’minds work. When someone loses material possessions, nice
material possessions, and is threatened with homelessness it is automatic.
What happened is almost an involuntary response.)
Worrying about the looks of my situation and possible responses
from others held me in emotions that felt awful, like torture. I had control
over whether I chose to sit in an awful feeling place, or like a cat who is no
longer interested, stand and leave. I could choose my next step according to
where I preferred to be or let it be chosen by fearful attempts to escape a
nightmare. The majority of the uncomfortable dream consisted of thoughts and
feelings in response to the opinions of others.
All life is lived in the present moment. Many people, without
realizing they are doing it, stand in the present focused backwards, in past
events, on uncomfortable experiences and emotions. Many present moments are
spent gazing towards an outward, separate future. What has yet happened is felt
and believed to have greater potential than now to offer desired experience.
This happens when we fail to view life as it is in the present as capable of
being the experience of desire. Relief is an emotional shift that takes place in
the present moment of satisfying reasons to do so. A choice to feel relief is
reason enough to produce desired change.
Present emotions and experiences are connected in the same way as creator and created.
They reflect each other. They are each other and both have unlimited potential
because of each other. Almost involuntarily, the instance life is observed in
that way, emotions and experiences shift. When desires rather than fears are
focused upon they drive the engine of pleasant living.
Back to the questions:
“What did I do wrong? How can I fix it?”
There are countless ways to answer. I am going to attempt two.
The first answer in short, you didn’t do anything wrong. You can’t fix it. All
you can do is accept what has happened and move forward in a pleasing direction.
The second answer, you did nothing wrong. There is no need to
fix anything because nothing is wrong. Your life displays your emotions and life
expectations in the form of experiences. This is mostly information, not a poor
score on a life test. The information conveys intricate, detailed information
about what you are choosing to believe and what you desire to experience. In
this way, informative unpleasant experiences are tools that can be used to fine
tune life experience.
I like knowing I was torturing myself with judgments and fears
about unemployment. Judgments and fears about my value and intellect were
neutralized and in those moments I felt relief. I felt capable, alive, and
inspired. Moments when I leaned back into judgments and fears started to look
and feel familiar. Slowly but surely, I continued to revisit relieving emotions;
feelings of capability, aliveness, and inspiration. Eventually, moments of this
nature became familiar. I’m no longer asking what I did wrong and how can I fix
it when I encounter an uncomfortable experience. I can focus on what is
comfortable in the moment, if only the profound knowing that I am capable,
alive, and an inspiration.
If you have ever asked yourself the questions I proposed at the
beginning of this interaction I wish you experience of the whole truth of
yourself and your life. Life is awesome and fulfilling when it is lived as it is
without worry or fear. Only then can one ride the vibratory wave of potential.
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Live truthfully, live in full expression of truth of all there is.