What doesn't feel good. I was surprised when life revealed to me that this is
all that is ever important in any life experience. I once believed my life's
work was to overcome the many obstacles that present on my way to being
successful. "Successful in what?" I eventually asked myself. Truth has a funny
way of showing up, sometimes, so ask questions you are really ready to have the
"Ask and it is given." Many people believe this promise of the creator to be
true theorhetically but don't always live as though it is true. I am raising my
hand because I am guilty of this. Why is this?
The answer in short to why some people live as though they will not receive
what they've asked for, even though they believe in God and the soundness of his
words, is for some reason or another they believe this applies to certain ones
whom they are not. Deep down inside they believe the promise could possibly be
for everyone but them because of other beliefs they have about themselves.
I've never really known what I wanted to be successful in exactly. I believe
I desired to be successful in everything. And I can say, I sure did give it my
I hit the ground running shortly after birth and quickly mastered all of the
infant and toddler milestones. I remember desiring to know how to read, and then
wanting to know how to read cursive writing, to wanting to know how to write
neat print and cursive. I was shown in response to my asking and quickly I
mastered my efforts. I completed HeadStart and Kindergarten both in one school
year and was double promoted to first grade at 5 years old.
I graduated high school at age 17 after many unpleasant life experiences that
I could have used as excuses to give up on my aim for success. Afterwards, I
enrolled into a top notch University after winning a $1,000 scholarship for an
essay I wrote claiming education to be the key to success and failed my freshman
year. I was placed on academic suspension but my issue had nothing to do with my
ability to do the work. I missed crucial final exams because I didn't know there
wasn't a retake. Keeping an eye on my boyfriend at the time, trying to make sure
he didn't cheat on me was more important. How silly of me, but it's true.
I have always been articulate and I knew how to professionally present
myself, although I was young, so at the end of suspension I petitioned the
school for readmittance and it was granted. I simply told the truth. I was
young, ignorant to the guidelines of final exams, my focus had been distracted,
and I intended to make necessary adjustments to proceed as a successful student.
I did that. In 2001, when I graduated with a BA in Psychology and minor in
Sociology, I was a single mother of two children and without the key to success.
So, I continued my study for a BA in Social Work.
One year later, during the second semester of my senior year of Social Work,
I faced being threatened to be withdrawn from the Social Work department, the
end of an unsatisfying relationship, knowledge of my mother's terminal illness,
and extremely unpleasant thoughts and emotions about myself. What
happened? (I go into more details about this in my upcoming book
Looking For Comfort. I'll let you know when it
releases for public share. )
I went from a determined little individual to someone who was utterly afraid
of life and angry with myself for not knowing how to fix all that I perceived to
be broken. I wanted to give up. That's what happen when enough focused attention
is given to What doesn't feel Good. My life felt like crap and it was too much
to clean, so I wanted to be taken away from it. God visited me during this
aching moment in my life and in a way that I could understand he let me know
that I had succeeded in many things and had failed in nothing. There were areas
that I desired success in, which was achievable, only I must continue to live to
experience it. This information that God presented felt much better than my idea
of myself as a failure whom I wanted to escape, so I agreed. I stood with a
fresh perspective of myself and sought out to be successful in living life more
abundantly. Of course, thinking and speaking my desire was more easily done than
I started personal development and studied all that I could to gain a better
understanding about fear and love and how they play out in life experiences.
During my accute study, I met many spiritual teachers whom I came to believe I
knew personally through the adventures I joined them in that they shared. Iyanla
Vanzant was among them. Her story was so profoundly similar to my own, although
uniquely different. I loved her approach and her achievements in spite of her
once allowing fear to color her life. In my heart a desire formed to one day
meet her in person. (I'm still in expectation of this.) One phrase that
she said during one of her talks that NOW stands out to me is:
"Writing wasn't something I was. It was something I did." Hmmm.
Success, I once believed, was about doing some great thing. I successfully
accomplished many great things, yet I still felt far away from the success I
desired. I have a tattoo of the Japanese symbol for happiness on my left leg
that represents what I truely desired for my life. I desired to be happy.
It took several years of communicating with God, through the various mediums
he presented in my life, to understand how to successfully achieve the happiness
I desired. I had to focus on What feels Good vs. What doesn't feel Good. Had I
known this information sooner and been able to apply it to my life in the
earlier 'green' portions I could have experienced happiness and success with
ease. I'm thankful for the way my experiences inspired my understanding to
unfold because I have a beautiful heartfelt story to tell that has a neverending
Yesterday, I encountered some members of my family and experienced emotional
discomfort for various reasons. For awhile, as if I didn't know any better, I
gave my focused attention to experiences, thoughts, and emotions that didn't
feel good. They felt so horrible I cried like a wounded child. I was wounded. My
feelings were hurt and at the same time I knew that I understood on a deeper
level what was required of me to feel better on an inner level. I had to
forgive, release, and refocus.
In order for me to feel good again, as I had before these encounters, I had
to again focus on what felt good. My focus on what didn't feel good, didn't feel
good. And, no matter how much time and energy I gave to discomfort it would
remain as discomfort. I cried like a baby but I know and knew I'm a big girl;
grown and capable of deciding how I will feel in any given moment. Because my
emotions were deeply attached to these relationships with specific family
members, it took a while before I regained spiritual consciousness and control
over my emotions.
When the successful moment occured, when I acknowledged the fact that people
are people and we are all human and there will be times when our paths cross
unpleasantly and in those moments the ball is in my court, I regained my
personal power. I could have missed the shot at opportunity to embrace love and
greatness or I could slam dunk my emotions into a place untouchable by anything
outside of the truth of all there is. I admitt, I was a little slow on the
family emotional court and but still I succeeded.
I focused away from what didn't feel good and gave deliberate attention and
intent focus on what felt great. For starters, it felt great to know that I was
back in emotional control of myself. I continued with a list of positive aspects
and thoughts about my family members that felt good. I love my family. I enjoy
spending time with them. I am not their thoughts and emotions relative to me. I
can love them from a distance, as needed, and still be open to embrace
interaction when opportunity presents. I am not alone even though I have minute
emotional access to my family. My mother exists in the non-physical realm but
still physically focused with me in my heart. I can be, do, and have anything I
desire should belief, expectation, and alignment with the truth of all there is
takes place. I am great no matter what I do or don't do. Success has never been
about education or any other physically tangible item. It is about feeling
awesome in any given moment, and that happens simply by decision.
If you are experiencing something that doesn't feel good relax and know that
this can change and will as soon as you shift your attention to what feels good.
Life is supposed to feel good. When it doesn't it is a mere indicator of our
I wish you unlimited pleasant moments. I love you. Take care.
Founder of Kreative Inspirations
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